9/8/10

Japan is known for the advanced electronics, having a variety of eccentric foods, and its unique fashion, which is not limited to the people, but shared among pets. Yes, I see many pets with outfits that could compete in New York’s fashion week. The most recent couture, was a Golden Retriever decked out in a full-blown tracksuit, leggings and all. But fashion, technology, and food, isn’t what has impacted my opinion of Japan. It’s the conservative nature this country has that bleeds into the sex culture.

Many people told me Japan was conservative and I brushed off the warning, having been raised in the Bible belt of the South. But what most people didn’t reference is Japan’s sex culture from a woman’s perspective. I will preface everything I am about to say by reminding you this perspective is strictly based on my own liberal ideas of sexuality. Needless to say, my opinions are probably overly biased.

Many foreign (English speaking) men who come to Japan for any period of time seem to relish the fact they will without a doubt have no problem picking up a cute, little Japanese girl who will gladly date them because they are an English speaking foreigner. I will compare this to the foreign men who come to the States. Many women, myself included, will rank a man higher on the attractiveness scale because he has an accent. Japan seems to work in favor for the foreign men who come here with high hopes of finding a teeny Japanese lover. I, however, did not come to Japan to find a lover. In fact, I came to Japan for the complete opposite reason. I do not want to find a lover. I do not want to be in a relationship, and I have no desire for a fling. Seeing that this country works in favor for the foreign men, Japan seems to be the right place for me to be…at this moment, in my non-sexually driven life.  

As I mentioned this to someone, I realized that maybe, somewhere deep inside, I realized Japan was the perfect country for me to observe life as a single, independent woman. If I had gone to France, like originally planned, it would have been so easy for me to fall into yet another obsessive infatuation with a tall, sexy, Frenchman. Obsessive infatuation, especially with men I can’t have, seems to be my modus operandi, I will shamefully admit.  

 I’ve been observing the advertisements and ads on the trains. I’ve also paid a lot of attention to social interactions between the men and women during my commute time. People watching never lets me down when it comes to entertainment. One noticeable distinction with the single women of Japan is, in general, they dress to impress. Or should I say, dress to undress? Many girls have no problem wearing skirts that should easily pass as a belt, shorts that would make daisy dukes look like capri pants, and shirts that leave nothing for the imagination. I will not disagree that this is also a trend seen in the states, but the reaction of the men in toward the women in Japan is distinctly different from the men in the states. What do the Japanese men do? They just glance, but only so subtly, that if you weren’t watching their every move, you would have no idea they even noticed Candy’s body was on display.

American culture is completely driven by sex. A commercial for something as simple as a stick of gum reminds you of the oral stimulation given during four-play. Suddenly, you forget about the gum and the mind goes immediately to a sexual encounter that happened last weekend. The body never forgets and sometimes you wish it would.

Observations I’ve made about my own body awareness in Japan, is I feel completely asexual.  This is a damn shame thinking I’m at the age where I should be at my sexual peak. This is probably be the best I will ever look or feel. Isn’t it 30 when the ass drops and the tits start to sag? Thirty is only five months away. Needless to say, I do feel some anxiety hearing other women warn me, “Wait till your 30! Shit hits the fan and gravity catches up to you!” If I’m not embracing my sexuality in my prime, I feel a bit ‘fucked,’ hypothetically.   

I’ve asked a fellow foreign girl friend of mine I met here in Japan who considers herself a highly sexual person how she felt, sexually, in Japan. She agreed, saying the same thing. In this culture, we feel unattractive, as if we are forced to tuck away our sexuality in hopes that one day we will find it again. Maybe after leaving the country. My friend happens to be a tall, slender beautiful woman who would normally have no problem attracting any man she wants. But here, her sexual energy has become deflated and I couldn’t agree more.

I could blame this on the fact that in general I am not attracted to men smaller than me, but I feel it has something to do with the Japanese sex culture. Japan feels sexually repressed, or maybe it’s just extremely sexually conservative. Usually, sexual repression creates a build up of angst, where it eventually explodes in other ways, usually not so pleasant. So, I would not be surprised to find an entire culture built on extreme fetishes and porn. Although I’m sure I would find this entertaining to some degree, I don’t feel the need to explore this venue much. As for now, I will only observe my day-to-day life and assume Japan’s sex industry is an underground operation that is too complex for me to understand.

As for now, dealing with my need to be alone and my mixed feelings about love and relationships, I feel I should find some comfort in knowing, I chose a place to focus on myself without the confusion of sex and the ‘dating game.’ There is a common denominator in all my relationships with men that has become unhealthy for my self-esteem. Until I can figure out to overcome this pattern, I would much rather stay single than continuously repeat my mistakes. I can only blame myself for the choices I’ve made.

So for now, I choose not to continue dating until it becomes clear how I can break the self-destructive cycle. Sleeping alone feels much more comfortable than seeking comfort in the arms of a man who will easily walk away when I need him the most.